| I would like to just start throwing up words as fast as possible because I have so much on my brain and in my heart. I can't even start to throw up though and this has been becoming the trend for quite some time. I can't just get out what I'm feeling and what my thoughts are. It's like they haunt me through the day and all I can ever think about, and as soon as I sit down to journal or write a song or come on here... bleeehhhh. nothing. nada. zilch. no throw up.
I'm going crazy. I mean, I just never thought it would be this hard. I'm tired of being "strong". Really tired. And it's hard chasing after a dream, and working my tail end off when you're tired. and weak. and not being able to "throw up". Wednesday night will be much needed. There's too much change going on. For all of us. And I hate change. I love to rearrange my room in countless ways, and change my hair once a week, but this kind of change haunts me. blleeehhh.
Well I always have a plan for everything. a list. to go and check off everything in an organized manner. But, "I'm at that point", where everything is so jumbled and out of my control that I can't make a list. ahsakdjhlksahgf why are humans soo complicated? onetwothree. buckle my knee. i got two turn tables and a microphone.
i hope i got that job. for realz. i neeeeed to start school again. or i WILL go nutzzooo.
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new love.
old love. |
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| Two mental notes:
1. pride
2. heavenly minded
oh my morning's coming back, the whole worlds waking up.
all the city buses swimming past I'm happy just because,
I found out I am really no one... |
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| Home.
After an intense 13 hour drive, straight through from New Mexico, I'm feeling pret-ty good. What a fun time it was to see the fam. Of course its always nice to be up in the mountains with the fresh air and away from civilization. According to grandmom, Fiona lost 50 pounds by the end of the trip. haha. and I'm pretty sure I've never heard "Joooeeellll" that much than ever in my life. wow, how much can music effect your thought process, and the emotions coming out. haha. one song and i'm instantly nostalgic. Most beautiful drive ever. Fiona and I were convinced that the government is just playing tricks on us, and that all the mountains and scenery are just drop cloths, and as you drive by, they queue the train to hum by perfectly. Ugh. I got a speeding ticket. But please, I had been driving 8 hours straight, and I was literally about to run out of gas. Plus, Fi and I were going nuts dancing to some song. Well, it was amazing. The mountains have never been so beautiful to me, and I think it's because I'm just at a point in my life were I'm so appreciative for everything. I have nothing, but I have so much. I'm a blessed gal. ew, gal? Also... I was waiting my whole my life for Fiona to meet Grandmom Regis, and finally... the missing pieces of my personality to Fiona were completed. haha... the "mentally insane" pieces. Grandmom's words, not mine. |
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